Revival in Marriages

Senior Pastor Shawn Withy-Allen

Manna Church Hawai’i
 

Scripture

Mark 10:7-9 (NIV)

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.

Observation

The best counsel Sarah and I ever received in premarital counseling was this: “Guard your oneness above all else.” As I write this devotional, we are expecting our 5th child any day now, and these words ring just as true to us today as they did when we first heard them 15 years ago. Oneness is the single most important thing in a marriage, yet I have found that very few married couples are even aware of what the term means. To start with, let me be clear about what it does NOT mean. Oneness does not mean we have to agree on everything and share the same opinion about everything. For example, I am of the opinion that the San Francisco 49ers are the greatest franchise in NFL history. My wife, however, thinks it’s the Carolina Panthers. It’s ok, she’s been wrong before! Hahaha! Just kidding! Real talk though: differences of opinion do not amount to fractured oneness. Our opinions and likes and dislikes are what make us uniquely us. For our marriages to work, we need to have integrity and be true to who God has created us to be.

Oneness in the Scripture speaks to something much deeper. For Sarah and I to be one means we are both 100% committed to one another and our family above all else. There is nothing and no one who will come between us. We know each other’s passwords and have access to each other’s devices and accounts should we ever feel like seeing what the other person has been looking at or who they’ve been communicating with. Our rule between each other is that the moment either one of us feels tempted to hide something from the other, that’s the moment we need to go and share with the other person. If one of us feels uncomfortable about a situation, opportunity, or relationship (even if there is nothing inherently “wrong” with it), we lay it to the side for the sake of the other. Sin gets its power in the darkness, so we want to bring things into the light before they have a chance to fracture our oneness.

This level of trust is critical to being on one accord when it comes to making decisions regarding our future, our finances, our children, or any other big decisions. Our oneness allows us to listen to each other without questioning the other’s motives or hidden interests, empowering us to make wise decisions in the best interests of our family as well as for one another. And for you husbands, if you’re ever in doubt, I offer you the 2nd best marriage counsel I’ve received — “The voice of God most often sounds like your wife!”

Application

Oneness is not natural. Let me be clear on this from the start. This is why so few experience it. Left to ourselves, we drift toward selfishness. So for oneness to exist in a marriage, both partners must daily lay down their lives and embrace God’s instructions to care about the other more than themself. From there, we need to build healthy rhythms into our lives of communication and intimacy. For Sarah and I, we pray together every night before we go to bed. A general rule of thumb for us is for every ‘internal’ prayer (a prayer about us), there must also be an ‘external’ prayer (a prayer for someone or something else outside our immediate family or needs). There’s nothing that knits hearts together in unity more than prayer. We also do consistent Date Nights, which in our situation with young children requires some creativity and tempered expectations. But the point is we know we need to INVEST in us - in our marriage, in our enjoyment of one another - if we are going to be able to experience oneness. And we know every investment is worth it, because there is nothing more intimate and satisfying in marriage than oneness with your spouse.   

Prayer 

Lord, give me and ___________ YOUR heart for oneness. Help us to value it as You do. Help us to live out Your word as You instruct us in Ephesians 4:2-3: ‘Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of Your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.’ In Jesus’ name, Amen!